Where am I going?

Two questions get asked whenever 'catching up' with a friend: 1) Where are you living next year? and 2) What are you doing this summer? And until this week, I had no answer for either question. I wasn't worried. I knew it would all work out. But is this how it's supposed to work out? Is this the best possible outcome? To address the first question, my friend 'the bexter' is moving into my house! I'm psyched about that one for a few reasons. One, I love the bexter. Two, I love my house and I get to stay here another year! And three, I don't have to pack up and move again. So that one worked out great, even with the landlord telling us we have three days to find someone to live with us or they were renting our house to other people. Anyhow, that brings us to the summer question. My dream is Africa. I want to work with Invisible Children in Uganda. For the first time, IC is accepting volunteers in-country. So I applied. For some reason, all these other amazing opportunities start knocking at my door and I begin to spin. I don't know what hit me. I never considered travelling anywhere else, especially not in Europe. I don't want to spend my summer just enjoying myself. I want to spend my summer impacting the world. However, all this other stuff just sounded so appealing. If I don't go to Africa, then I can go to Scotland, England, and Ireland in May, Las Vegas for my 21st in June, probably Illinois or Hawaii in the beginning of July, possibly a youth conference with my girls at the end of July, and New York City for the Bexter's 21st in August. All the while, working in between and making money instead of starting school in debt again. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! And for some unknown reason, I feel the need to make this decision before hearing back from Invisible Children. So of course I call the mom, hoping she'll tell me what she would do if she were me, only to be told "Honey, you're going to have to decide for yourself. You have to make your own decisions." Not the most wanted advice for an indecisive person! So I decide to just do it. Just buy a plane ticket and then there's no question anymore. That's it. I'm going to Scotland and all those other amazing places this summer and not helping a single person in the process. That's how I think. I made this decision and now I will see every selfish thing about it and beat myself up. Why can't I just look at the fact that I will spend the rest of my life committing my work to Africa so it's not so bad to experience everything I can while I'm in college? When else am I going to have this opportunity with friends in college... completely unnattached... FREE!? This is the opportunity of a life time to enjoy that freedom. But I just keep thinking about the people in the world that have never even had the chance to take a 'vacation.' I keep thinking about my families in Tanzania that I'm not going to see again. About the selfish nature of my decision. About the disappointment in Johnson's voice when I tell him I'm not coming back this year. About all the opportunities to use my gifts that I'm missing out on. I sure hope I made the right decision. I hope that I don't regret this choice for the next year. I hope that I make amazing memories that I wouldn't trade for the world. And I hope that I don't feel guilty about that. I will be back to Africa. And it will be soon. Just not this summer.